


i deserve it

by yikelliot



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Lukas being a smol shit, M/M, No happy ending here, None whatsoever, Slight Violence, nope - Freeform, so angst so sad, why is he like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 00:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10525335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikelliot/pseuds/yikelliot
Summary: "I made him scared. I hurt him in more ways I could count in the moment where my thoughts were clouded, my mind dizzy, and my heart desperately aching."orLukas' POV of the fight scene in 1x01





	

**Author's Note:**

> Fandom: eyewitness   
> Ship: philkas  
> Genre: angst pouring out your ears with not a happy ending in sight  
> POV: lukas waldenbeck  
> Trigger: mild violence  
> Words: 642

Fuck.

As soon as I landed the first punch I knew I had made a ridiculous mistake. A stupid, fucking dumbass mistake. I ripped my eyes away from him and down toward my throbbing fist and winced at the sight of blood and split knuckles. I couldn't say I didn't completely and utterly deserve it — I really fucking did. 

I raised my eyes to Phillip's wounded jaw, then up to his eyes. They were blazing in a storm of rage and crushing hurt. My heart stopped beating, shattered into billions of tiny fucking pieces, cut into my skin until I was red and raw and bleeding. My lungs were heaving, as if there were giant, heaving boulders, frantically yanking them to the floor. Time seemed to have stood still until Phillip decided to react. 

He pounced on me, a fire licking at paper, laying punch after punch. I flipped us over, hitting back with the weight of the boulders, fear, pain, and all things in between. We grappled, wrestled tore each other apart like I had torn him apart so many times before. A teacher rushed to the scene, separating us. I had screamed something but I could not remember what I had said.

A sense of numbness crept over me, dark and deep. A chilling and biting wind whipped through my core. Phillip shakily stood, wide eyed and unstable. He turned and ran, feet slamming, pounding away from me. 

I made him scared. I hurt him in more ways I could count in the moment where my thoughts were clouded, my mind dizzy, and my heart desperately aching. 

Fuck. 

I looked around at the people who did not care about me, in the absence of the one person that truly did. I had ruined, no, destroyed any shred of a chance I had with Phillip. 

So I turned and ran. I ran all the way out the doors, to my bike. 

I sped my way home on autopilot, not thinking. Not thinking about Phillip, about his smile, his eyes, his face, him. I was not thinking about what I had done, and how I had isolated myself in the worst possible way. I was not thinking about his lips, or his skin, or his body. 

I reached my house, not thinking about how I would likely never see Phillip again. I unlocked the door, not thinking about how he probably hated me. I ran up the stairs and into my room, not thinking about how he might leave. 

I felt the bile rise as I sat, shaking on the floor. I doubled over, retching into the bin, not at all thinking that if this were heartbreak, I never again wanted to feel this way. 

I went to the bathroom, wiped my face, rinsed my burning mouth, then trudged into bed.

I pulled out my headphones and my phone, blasted the music, fell into and out of consciousness in a restless yet tired cycle. 

I slept a little while before Phillip came. 

Kissing him felt like home, relief, pure fear. Touching him felt like a thousand nerve endings scorched, a peaceful blanket that sheltered me all at once. 

I fucked up again. I didn't know his mother, yet called her a junkie. I didn't know how much he had been through, yet made assumptions about his life. 

I don't deserve him in any way. That's why he told me to decide. 

When he ran out the room, I felt the same boulders in my chest, the same fragments of my heart pierce my bones a thousand times over. I thought about running after him, fuck, I really did. But then I remembered my dad, and Rose, and all the others at school and in town. They would never understand. They would never accept it. 

So I laid back once again, and cried.

**Author's Note:**

> The angst is swallowing me whole.  
> Hello maties! This was my first fic, so I hope it wasn't a complete disaster.   
> I also listened to this with the text-to-speech on and holy crap, I died laughing. The way this guy says fuck is bloody ridiculous.
> 
>  
> 
> Welp, until next time!  
> ~Lee


End file.
